Dazai Osamu X Reader ~Double Suicide~

I was seated at my desk in the Armed Detective Agency’s office with my eye twitching vaguely as I read the book which my colleague, Dazai Osamu, had basically shoved into my hands before he left with his partner, Kunikida Doppo, to solve a case. Dazai was a complete suicidal maniac and his current dream was to find a beautiful lady to commit double suicide with since he came to the conclusion that suicide should never be done alone a while ago. And oddly enough, that beautiful lady that he chose happened to be me…

Don’t get me wrong, I was extremely flattered(yet partially creeped out) by his proposal but of course, like any other sane human being, I didn’t want to die so I declined his offer… which led him to believe that with enough convincing, I would agree to his request. So every day after that, he would come up with new ways to convince me to commit double suicide with him and that day’s attempt was forcing me to read his favorite book which was a suicide guidebook.

By the third page, I already felt an unbearable urge to chuck the useless book against the wall and I was almost about to do so when the door to the office swung open abruptly and Kunikida came barging into the room with Dazai’s body, which seemed limp, slung over his shoulder. My eyes widened when they caught sight of my curly-haired-suicidal-colleague.

“Dazai-san!” I immediately shot up from my chair and rushed over to where Kunikida stood with Dazai over his shoulder. “Kunikida-san, w-what happened?” I blurted out as panic rose within me; my eyes scanned Dazai’s lifeless body over and over again, attempting to deduce the brunet detective’s current worrying physical condition.

“The suicidal idiot decided to attempt suicide again by purchasing ten large bottles of laundry detergent and locking himself in an airtight closet in his apartment,” Kunikida groaned; his face turning crimson in rage. “And he purchased those with my credit card no less!”

The enraged blonde looked as though he was about to fling Dazai’s weak body out the nearest window at any given moment and moving on instinct, I tried my best to calm down the fierce blonde in hopes that he wouldn’t end up breaking every bone in his partner’s body.

“K-Kunikida-san, p-please calm down!” I exclaimed and tugged onto his arm, not really to still him but rather to remind him of the consequences of letting his temper get the best of him. Luckily, I noticed that the furious red that colored his face was slowly beginning to fade and his heavy breathing was starting to calm down as well. I breathed out a sigh of relief and I was instantly reminded of something incredibly important that I’d carelessly forgotten to ask earlier when he had explained the reason for Dazai’s limp state.

“Kunikida-san! D-Dazai-san is still… he’s still alright-” I began, clumsily stumbling on my own words as concern started to cloud my thoughts.

“He’s fine,” Kunikida replied, knowing clearly that that was what I wanted to ask but couldn’t. He let out a loud sigh and ran a hand through his blonde hair. “He sniffed in quite a lot but I managed to get him out in time, though not fast enough for him to stay conscious.”

“I see…” I trailed off, feeling a wave of relief wash over me and I hesitated for a moment before asking, “Um, if you wouldn’t mind, could I perhaps… be the one to take him to the infirmary? Because, I know that you’re very busy and all and that you want to stick to your schedule and you’ve already wasted so much time on Dazai so I thought that I should help you out a bit since-”

Kunikida nodded before I could finish with my excessive blabbering, realizing my intention without needing an explanation from me and I was so grateful to him for that. “Here,” he said and positioned Dazai down on an empty chair nearby. “Just be careful.”

“Thank you, Kunikida-san,” I gave him a warm smile and draped one of Dazai’s limp arms around my shoulders while I used my other hand to hold onto his waist, steadying him beside me. “I’ll make sure that Dazai-san doesn’t bump into anything on our way to the infirmary.”

“I wasn’t talking about that suicidal bastard, I’d be happier if he knocked into a brick wall,” Kunikida said and sat down at his desk. “I was talking about you, be careful not to bump yourself into anything.”
I couldn’t help but crack a grin at the blonde’s words and rolled my eyes as I turned my back and began to haul Dazai to the agency’s infirmary. “Will do, Kunikida-san.”

Once we’d reached the infirmary, the first thing that I noticed was that it was completely and utterly empty. Letting out another sigh, I hauled Dazai to the nearest bed and as gently as I could, placed him onto it. He landed onto the mattress with a soft ‘thump’ and I immediately collapsed onto the empty chair next to the bed, feeling exhausted; Dazai was much heavier than I expected someone of his tall and lean stature would weigh.

When my shallow breaths had returned to normal, I glanced over at the unconscious detective on the bed next to me. Absentmindedly, I reached a hand out towards his face and gently brushed the dark locks of hair that covered his face; Dazai was attractive, this was quite obvious, and although I didn’t say it aloud or admit it to everyone that I know, I had liked my overly-dramatic and suicidal colleague for quite some time... But I could never say that directly to him, I was never a confident person and I had zero experience in romantic relationships and call me a coward but I was utterly terrified of the possibility of ruining our friendship with my selfish confession so I decided to keep my lips sealed.

But at that moment in the infirmary, I had no idea what came over me; those terrifying thoughts of ruining our friendship just vanished and all that I could think about were how peaceful and attractive he looked, the shallow movements of his chest as he breathed and his lips which were parted slightly. I bit down on my bottom lip and, completely oblivious of my actions, leaned down and kissed him; his lips were warm and so, so soft and they tasted faintly of sweet cinnamon.

By the time I’d realized what I’d done, I immediately pulled away and held my hand over my lips which felt tingly from their brief contact with Dazai’s. A flame of scarlet crept in a swift diagonal across my cheeks as I quickly got up from my seat, planning to run away to find a deserted place where I could think through what my careless actions would cause me. But before I could take a step forward, I felt a hand grabbed a hold of my arm. My eyes went wide in panic.

“And where do you think you’re going?” the voice that was unmistakably Dazai’s spoke out and I slowly, reluctantly turned around to face him; he was sitting up on the bed and was staring intently at me.

“D-Dazai-san… you’re awake!” I exclaimed nervously and I tried to flash him my best smile. “And I was just… going to get some water. So, if you’d be kind enough to let me go, I’ll be on my way now-” I attempted to tug my arm back but Dazai’s hold was vise-tight; his mocha-brown eyes never left me even once and I felt incredulously small under his intimidating gaze.

“Oh, no, you don’t. Not after the stunt you’d just pulled,” he smirked at me and I felt my legs go weak underneath me. He pulled me closer to the bed and he leaned in so our faces were only inches apart. “Now tell me, (L/ N)-chan, why did you do that?”

“D-do what?” I pretended to play dumb.

He moved his lips to my ear and whispered, “Kiss me of course.”

His hot breath hitting my ear sent a delicious shiver to run down the length of my spine and he smirked mischievously at my reaction to his insignificant but impactful ministrations. “Could it possibly be that you like me, (L/ N)-chan?” he teased; his eyes gleaming with playful mischief.

“I-I…” I contemplating on denying his claim but thought twice and decided that it was about time to tell the truth. So I gave a light nod, the blush from earlier tinted my cheeks once again. “Yes… I do.”

“That’s wonderful.” Dazai smirked and to be honest, I’d never seen him look so happy in my entire life. He kissed my neck and murmured, “And for the record, I like you too, (L/ N)-chan.”

My face was probably as red as a tomato by that point and before I could reply to his words, I was suddenly thrown onto the bed which made me release a yelp in surprise. When I looked up, I was instantly met with Dazai’s brilliant mocha eyes; he was hovering above me with both his palms planted on either side of my face and one of his knees in between my thighs. I flushed florid at our rather suggestive position but my embarrassment was cut short when Dazai lowered his face until his nose touched mine. “My lovely (L/ N)-chan,” he whispered against my lips.

“Y-yes, Dazai-san?” my voice was barely a whisper.

“Will you do me the honor of making me the happiest man in the world by committing double suicide with me?” he asked and I had to pause for a second to allow his words to sink into my head. When I finally registered his proposal, I glared at him. “Are you being serious right now?”

“Why of course! I would never joke about suicide, (L/ N)-chan! You know that!” he said with a dramatic flair of his arm which made me cringe. “So what do you say, (L/ N)-”

“No.” I said without hesitation.

“Oh! How you’ve wounded me again, my lovely (L/ N)-chan!” Dazai cried out dramatically and I rolled my eyes beneath him. His smirk then returned onto his attractive face as he looked down at me and I gulped at the abrupt change of emotion in his mocha-brown eyes. “Then will you do me the honor of letting me kiss you, (L/ N)-chan?” he inquired, his voice low.

I couldn’t help but break into a smile at his question and wrapped my arms over his neck to pull him downwards. “That, I can allow.” I smiled and he grinned before capturing my lips in a sweet yet passionate kiss.

The kiss was the most heavenly thing that I’d ever experienced in my whole life; his lips tasted so sweet and they felt so soft moving against my own. Dazai removed one hand off of the bed and snaked it around my waist, pulling me as close to him as humanly possibly; my face and body burned with each kiss, each touch from him as though the overwhelming heat that radiated from his lean body was slowly seeping into my own with these insignificant yet meaningful contacts. My eyes were closed shut and my lips fell apart as a content sigh escaped from me; I was in a state of pure euphoria and I didn’t want it to end.

Just then, the door to the infirmary abruptly clicked open and the sudden interruption was followed by a familiar voice which spoke out moments later. “(L/ N)-san, I came to-” both Dazai and I broke away from our intense kiss to find Kunikida staring at us with his mouth agape and I noticed that his face was growing incredibly red with each passing second.

After a several moments of silence where Dazai, me and Kunikida exchanged stares at one another, the blonde finally couldn’t bear the awkwardness of the situation anymore and slowly, unsurely walked out of the room and shutting the door behind him as he did so.

Dazai and I returned our attentions onto each other and we both ended up bursting into chuckles and giggles. “Well, that was extremely awkward.” I laughed.

“Yea, I bet Kunikida-san wouldn’t look at us the same way again.” He grinned before it was replaced with his earlier playful smirk as he leaned down and brushed his lips against my own. “Now where were we…?”